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[27 Jun 2009|04:54pm] |
my mom invited lee and i to dinner with my family. i asked what time, because lee is working. she said "6:30-7pm" i said "great, 7 is perfect" she then says "no that's too late". the amount of arguing this family does is in direct proportion to how stupid they are
my mom also took it upon herself to give away the beer in my fridge. i wouldn't mind had she asked, but she didn't. i couldn't even borrow her umbrella last week when it rained, and here she is giving my beer away. to top it off, she decided she didn't want the empty bottles in the sink, so she put them in my bedroom on my end table. i argued with her briefly about how this is not acceptable behavior, things such as empty beer bottles have no place in the bedroom, and she was not willing to hear me out. so this morning i moved all the empties on to her bed stand while she was sleeping. i am funny. she moved them outside and hasn't even mentioned it to me.
my sister had the baby on wednesday. 8:12pm, 8.8lbs, baby leah yuiko nakamori. she came home from the hospital yesterday and has taken residence in my sisters bedroom across the hall. im thankful that my air conditioner drowns out her nightly crying. she's adorable, and i've still yet to hold her because i feel bad for her since people are constantly coming over to pick her up.
yesterday was obi & stef's wedding. it was a lot of fun and i got some great shots. today is the slackies booze cruise, and tomorrow is RCR / Forthrights. Wed is the circus, Sat is 4th of July, Sun is Ciara's wedding, and then next week is campppiiinggg!
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[18 Jun 2009|12:29pm] |
Not that I want to dwell on the past or anything, but for some reason I had the itch to go back and look at old entries from about a year ago. These are all privately written, because I wanted to vent at the time, and didn't want people to think I was looking for attention by listing them publicly and letting anyone comment on them. Looking back, I can't believe how pathetic I was, or rather, how pathetic HE was, and how I fell victim to thinking most of it was my fault. I remember when I wrote some of these, thinking my expectations for any guy were too high, and I'd be happy settling for anything better than what I had. Here I am a year later, and not to be completely cheesy, but I never imagined I could be this happy, or find someone so great. Lee is really the most wonderful boyfriend ever, and I can't even begin to explain how incredible he makes me feel. I am so grateful to have found someone who really loves me, and would do anything for me, because It's been a long time since I've found that with anyone. He always wants to go out and hang out with friends, we get to spend time alone at the end of every night, when he comes to visit me at work he always helps me close the bar, he has the WORST sense of humor (really, never, ever funny) but still tries anyway. I'm just so happy my life has brought me here. Lee has surpassed all of my expectations of a relationship, and I'm really just the happiest. Ever. /end gay
this one convo was had hours before he made out with another girl after he asked for a "break" from me
this, makes me uncertain of anyones intentions in a relationship. this conversation was maybe 5 months into our relationship. people always think they're crazy in love, and that thats it for them, forever. they want to maintain that "happy" feeling, but truthfully, after that feeling is gone, is there enough love and consideration left to save a relationship?
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[13 Jun 2009|04:04pm] |
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i really have the greatest boyfriend ever.
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[29 Apr 2009|01:33pm] |
Your parents play a major role in today's activities in one way or another, even if they're not close by. You may need to deal with some legacy that has been in the background for many years.
that was my horoscope for yesterday. i usually don't even check it, but for some reason i felt inclined. yesterday was the 8 year anniversary of my dad dying. weird.
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[23 Apr 2009|08:57am] |
i've officially hit a tri-fecta in being sick. first, the blood where there shouldn't be blood, the stomach cramps, combined with months of really bad stomach pain randomly. that was 3 weeks ago.
monday i got so sick at work i had to go home. i didn't even have my phone because i accidentally left it in lee's car. when he came to my house to give it to me, i apparently passed out mid-sentence.
today? TODAY! today i wake up and have new burning pain in my stomach. it was 8:20am, and call several doctors, all of which aren't open.
wtf is going on? did i kill my body? why won't it fight ANYTHING off? so annoyed right now. one more minute until i can try calling doctors again...
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[05 Apr 2009|11:29am] |
ive had these horrible cramps for about 3 weeks now. i remember going to the slackers show in jersey and being doubled over, and could barely walk. i went anyway because i was taking promos for them and didn't want to miss out. i also stayed for the show, because i'll be damned if i drive 2 hours and not stay for one of my favorite bands. i even tried to drink a beer to see if that'd numb the pain, but alas, it made it worse.
so skip ahead to yesterday, all this time passing and me ignoring the pain and all of a sudden im awoken at 9am and sick all over. not just bile or food but blood and mucus too. i spent the entire day in bed, only getting out to be sick. around 3pm i started thinking about how when logan used to get sick he took muscle relaxers. so now i start fishing through the medicine cabinets and i find those, and my anti-inflammatory pills for my foot. take em. then take a nap.
wake up at 6 and feel 75% better. i get dressed up and go to stefanies mom's surprise party, because there's not a chance in hell that anything will win out over my own will... not even my own body. spend 3 hours there, have 3 beers, start to feel woozy and head home. take another nap.
woke up at 2am even sicker. this time im ONLY puking blood. nothing else. the cramps are also back ten fold. i almost wish i was having a child to make this situation worth while in the end. i wake my mom up and she drives me to the ER. they took blood, gave me 2 IV's, tried to x-ray me and had to catch me when i momentarily blacked out (who takes blood and then makes you stand up?), they gave me some sort of medicine drip, and 4 hours later, at 6am, they released me with a binder of prescriptions a manual on how / when / why to take them... (and i stole their ass-less robe!).
so in the end, they're treating this like a severe infection, but i need to go get checked out for ulcers and / or crohns. not really what i wanted to hear. the worst part is that i thought stealing their robe would help me feel like i had my revenge on that hospital, but sadly today, i still have a greater feeling of defeat.
i got kinda bummed this morning. i've been to the ER a few times, mostly for broken ankles, but once when i was in 6th grade too, my immune system kicked out on me and i spent a few nights there. every time i was in the hospital my dad bought me something silly. not like i want to be rewarded to malfunctioning, but it was more so that this was one less this i could look forward to in his absence. i try to keep an optimistic view on life, and know that even if i can't see him, he's here, but then there's days like today where i would trade everything i own for just a hug, to be comforted for a couple of seconds.
on the positive side. both sean and lee wanted to come over last night, before they know i was going to the hospital. i text them both, and stefanie to say that i was on my way to the ER and that i'd let them know when i got out. everyone panicked, and said they were going to come and sit with me... which i wasn't expecting, nor wanted any of them to do. lee was in the middle of a 4 hour drive home from boston... and stefanie was with lori, meg, and dan... still drunk from her moms party. it would have been a 3 ring circus if they had shown up. they probably would have admitted stefanie for alcohol poisoning too. haha. my friends are the highlight of my life. i can't even explain how it made me feel that they were so concerned they felt like they had to be there with me.
i'm going to go cuddle with kiley.
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[30 Mar 2009|03:22pm] |
my birthday ruled. i closed the night into my birthday so lee and stefanie came to fridays so they could wish me a happy birthday at midnight. bridget was the first one however, with a text. lee gave me a card with dinosaurs on it and $5 in it. then we went to beerys and doyle and brando were there and it was great and we hung out for a bit. jess heltz was there too and she made plans to come to the city with us the next day.
woke up early on thursday, dan irving drove me, lee and jess to hicksville train station. we met up with doyle in penn. went to strand and i got a couple of cool books. we went to the record store across the street and doyle got a madness album. went allll the way up into harlem but ended up at the east river instead on the west side. some undercover cops cornered us at the playground and motioned for us to go over to them. i guess they thought we were planning on doing drugs in the park or something. don't really know. they were super rude to me though. we ran back to the street and tried to find a cab. i finally hailed one, and all 5 of us loaded into it. they looked less than pleased but brought us to dinosaur bbq! we ate all the delicious foods. i spilled my drink on lee bc the wood was uneven on the table. i think he likes wet pants anyway. we ran supppper late going home. ran all the way back to penn. were rejected from a cab bc there were too many of us. got home, went to dinner with my mom, jess, genki, stefanie, grandma, and aunt janie. it was delicious and i drank pomegranate margaritas. my sister bought me a TON of books and a $50 gift card to the liquor store (lulz) and my grandma and aunt gave me $$. jess and genki dropped me and stefanie off at millers and we immediately took tequila shots, then found out friends. askin, sean, gaelen, joe, timmy, jess, lee, tom mal, doyle, meg, dan mal, tom sutch, billy and so many people were all there and that made me happy, since i didnt really tell too many people to even go. my friends fucking rulllle. tom made me a cd of btmi's "25" 25 times. best mix ever? nah. i only listened to the first track once. we danced and drank and hung out and then stefanie tried to get me to go back to billys and drink more. at which point i declined and said i had had enough alcoholic beverages for the evening. this is also the point in the evening where i officially blacked out. the next morning i text stefanie and asked if she knew how i got home, because i woke up in my jeans and in my coat. apparently lee took me home, i demanded for him to drive me to florida, but he said he had no gas. he then offered to watch a movie, and i watched the first 10 minutes of click and fell asleep sitting up and leaning on him. he suggested i change into pjs, but i said no, and so i got tucked in fully clothed. best friend <3
the next day i had a party that got out of hand. in a good way though. so many great friends came. i love everyone. rap battles were held outside. they were awful and by awful i mean wonderful. here's a video that sums up the weekend better than this long update.
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[20 Mar 2009|06:44pm] |
last night i had 4 beers and 2 shots of tequila and blacked out. i don't know why. i didn't drink super fast, or super much. i don't remember ANYTHING from the trip home. i even have a text message from some dude named george price, saying if im ever in town again, to let him know. after racking my brain, i THINK he may have been the dude who was selling the slackers merch...and associated with world inferno. can anyone confirm / deny this? i apparently was a good source of entertainment for most of my friends. though i stole all of lee's money and gift cards, punched him twice, and was rude to danny. wowz. im kinda scared.
i have so much to do this weekend:
edit photos for westbound
edit photos for tito's band
edit harvest of hope photos
edit flatliners photos from wed
edit ltj photos
shoot the slackers tomorrow
meet with tito in nyc before they leave for tour
edit the video montage from the fest and send it over to tony
finish both bridgets cds
finish franks cd
finish seans cd
finish stefanie and lori's presents
finalize scavenger hunt plans for monday
theres more, this is all i can think of off the top of my head. yikes!
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[12 Mar 2009|06:46pm] |
i am very happy in my life. i feel like i have everything i could ever want, without wanting too much, and am grateful for it all. i like doing what i want, feeling happy, and worrying very little although there is plenty to worry about. in the grand scheme of things, none of it matters. we're just here to have fun. one thing i am worried about, however, is how much more complicated things might be if anything changes. drama, arguments, stress are all things that are rarely a thought in my mind these days, and i don't want that to change.
tom's "list" is by far, the most unfortunate thing ever. i don't really want any part of it. i feel like the people on this list are primarily ones who can't make themselves happy, and look for others to do so for them. people that look to surround themselves with lively company, but don't add or enhance it. in fact, some are flat out takers, who selfishly just want what will make them happy, and are so desperate for that feeling of security and happiness, they will take you down in an effort to achieve it. i don't like this feeling of obligation i have towards certain friends, and i can't even begin to think of how it would weigh me down if things were different then they are.
two wednesdays ago i went to the citayy with lee. we went to b&h and i got a fancy battery pack and he applied for a jorb. then we went to the Met and looked a mummies! then we met lori at brother jimmies by penn station, and we ordered a round of drinks, plus a fish bowl. then another fish bowl. 2 crocodiles later we decided to keep drinking and take the train to queens. lee didnt have a ticket and for some reason i decided i didn't want to use mine, so we both hid in the bathroom. someone ratted us out and the conductor was not pleased. i, however, had a ticket, so it didn't look as bad? no, im lying. it really did. fortunately for me, lori saw the man who tattled. this meant that i could torment this gentleman for the remaining part of our journey to queens. i said great things similar to "you know what i hate? TATTLE TALES!" and "nothing is worse than someone who doesn't mind their own business!". this escalated to said man publicly admitting that it was HE who told on us. I acted shocked and appalled. We then got into an argument and i think i may have even invited him to fight me off the train. we got off the train at jamaica and hopped a cab to a bar, except lori forgot where the bar was and we ended up not really near it and having to walk a lot. this ended up with me peeing at a 711 and acquiring a flashing obama pin. also we found another bar. at this point in the evening, danny defalco had mentioned driving to my house to pick up my tent around 10pm. lori slyly asked him for a ride from our bar, without mentioning us. 2 beers and a tequila shot later, danny pulls up, grabs lori, and then sees me and lee "hitchhiking" down the street. score 2 for us! we get a free ride back to levittown and also manager to convince danny to stop for more beer. we get to my house, watch tv, relentlessly tease lee until he leaves, then we ask him to come back. then me, lori and lee have a giant sleep over party. then at 7am, i wake up and drive lori back to her car. none of this was planned. i love my life. and wednesdays.
this past weekend i went to florida. me, stefanie, and danny flew down and met tim at the airport. tim drove us an hour from jacksonville to st augustine to our campsites at the harvest of hope fest. then i took the ride all the way back with him to meet sammy and erin. we met up with mike, kevin hay, dave-o, robby nyman and his gf christine, everyone in barnaby jones, bomb the music industry, the flatliners, and all hung out and started drinking. the entire weekend was mostly that. so much music, carnival rides, partying, dancing, porta pottys, adventures and great friends. most memorable sets were against me (i was on the ferris wheel with lori <3) and bouncing souls (dancing with danny). fake problems were amazing also and btmi came on stage to play dammit with them. the monotonix wiped their ass with the mic and at one point the entire band was crowd surfing simultaneously while playing their instruments. really amazing time. im so happy i went. :)
bored of writing. thats it for now.
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[23 Feb 2009|04:39pm] |
i thought it went without saying, but anyone who starts drama with my friends is not my friend.
please keep it to yourself.
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[22 Feb 2009|06:35pm] |
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i'm on an impossibles kick. four brick bomb in particular. listening to this makes me sad that i never met them, or took photos of them. with that thought, i went to their myspace and i was in their top friends. this makes me BEYOND giddy. <3
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[22 Feb 2009|02:40pm] |
watched all 3 back to the futures over the past couple of days.
i went to philly on friday to see murphys kids. i love them dearly.
im confused. not up for public discussion.
last night lenny, cassy, tombo and lee came over. lenny asked who matt rahilly was. i asked if he meant sean rahilly, he said no. apparently im dating this matt rahilly character. i guess that's what i get for bringing sean around, and my friends not knowing my other friends names. i'm guessing thats where it came from.
a loss for words is playing fridays tomorrow night. its going to be silly. i need a PA. my sister has one, but im not going to ask her to borrow it because she is still not talking to me. anyone have a PA i can borrow for 2 hours tomorrow night? ill hook you up!
tonight is westbound train and the toasters in the city. im psyched.
im listening to piebald. all ears all eyes all the time. this has recently become my favorite piebald album.
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[16 Feb 2009|03:33pm] |
today my mother picked a fight with me, about something we've already argued about (and i thought solved) and then took a phone call in the middle of it. i'm still confused.
canada was fucking AMAZING. very cold, little sleep, little eating, lotsa drink and planet smashers and good friends. im so happy!
i'm going to watch back to the future and drink hot chocolate.
tonight is silly hat night at fridays in levittown, if you're around, come stop by the bar and visit me :)
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[12 Feb 2009|03:59am] |
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me and stefanie applied for the new season of paris hilton's "my new bff". it would be funny if we got selected as a pair (as per my request), we'd be the first ones kicked off for one reason or another. still, a pretty convincing argument has been made.
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[10 Feb 2009|03:13pm] |
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i'm having excitement overload about all of my upcoming trips. CANADA THIS WEEKEND! then Florida and New Orleans soon after!!!!! AHHHHH!!!
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[07 Feb 2009|03:36pm] |
i am starting to get that feeling of depression, and it's scaring me. i thought i could fight it off this winter by burning the candle at both ends with exciting things. i think i am only putting it off temporarily. i woke up today, knowing exactly the things i need to do, and not wanting to do any of them. someone took my shift at work tonight, because even though i really need the money, i could also really use a day to myself with my friends.
i had an awful nightmare that my grandma died last night. we were coming home from my sister's wedding, and everyone was at my house, and didn't want to tell me. then when i found out, i lost it and my mom fell the floor crying. it was way too real, and made me feel awful that i haven't seen her all week, despite her living next door. on top of that, within my dream, i woke up 2 other times, both of which i realized i had been dreaming, but that my grandma was still gone. so now when i awoke from THOSE dreams, i was confused, and wasn't sure what was real or fake.
the ONLY other time this has happened, was 2 weeks before mike died, when i had had a dream he died.
im going to spend the day being useful and getting my shit together. then im going to get drunk with jesus.
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[04 Feb 2009|02:55pm] |
i have today off. i'm so thankful for that. going to spend the afternoon cleaning up my room. as usual my extra time around the house today has already resulted in some sort of family fight. this time it started as my mom yelling at me for something i didn't borrow. after insisting i didn't borrow it, i humored her and told her "ok ill ask if i left it out..etc". that was followed by more insisting that i stole it because it was missing, which then resulted in more of me saying "ok well i didn't take it, and already told you i'd ask anyway". this then escalated to me borrowing a hammer, which was in current use, therefor not yet returned, i asked if she'd like it back immediately and she didn't answer (probably because she was only trying to make a point). also a strainer i used to clean the fish tank that wasn't put in the proper cabinet after i returned it. i apologized. some how that turned into her telling me "you're never wrong" which confused me, since i have JUST apologized moments earlier. then i got annoyed and reminded her that she borrowed my computer last week without my permission, and shut it down afterward, deleting hours of work i had done and hadn't saved.... since i wasn't intending to shut it down. this didn't impress her as her mistake, rather some how i was still wrong and she proclaimed that she did a shitty job raising me. i'm glad i've spent the majority of the day thus far making her tea and helping her with wedding photos, but because of a missing pan, that i DIDN'T borrow, this escalated into me being the mistake of a life time.
i don't even really care, because this is a pretty casual thing that's happened. i also know she bought fish for dinner and it needs to be cooked today or it'll go bad, so by 6pm tonight, she's going to want me to eat dinner with her. i know she does love me, and is proud of me. what angers me is how she lets the little things get to her in life. she works with kids with downs syndrome, and can't come home and handle simple problems like where her pans went? she doesn't have patients to talk things out like "hey when you're done with that hammer, can you put it back?" or "you put the strainer in the wrong place, this is where it goes". good lord, this is why i'm scared to marry anyone. i don't want to be in a relationship that gets so comfortable that you can shit all over them constantly.
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[01 Feb 2009|03:55pm] |
yesterday was my sister's wedding. it was so much fun. stefanie and bridget came. i drank margaritas with corona on top of them. got pretty toasted. professed my undying love for all my friends. especially poor tom and lee who were with me and bared the brunt of it. i woke up at 9am with my cell phone in my hand, mid text to sean rahilly, telling him i was in love with him also. very silly. i love my friends so so so much.
also, i just booked my flight to new orleans for april with lori. im really going this time!!!
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[27 Jan 2009|03:58pm] |
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i got muh hurr did again today. the red looks better. at least not like "period blood" as john called it. gross. last night john, ribs, nickel and cooky came to visit me at work... and lee drunk texted me all night. i love my friends so much. i'm very happy right now.
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[27 Jan 2009|02:11am] |
i washed my hair today with a shampoo that brought me back 8 years. i know that sent is the sense best tied to memory, but this actually got me very emotional for a moment. i felt like i was a kid again, and had a brief feeling of fulfillment as though mike and my dad were both alive. i wonder if that's a piece of myself that i'll ever be able to replace with time.
i've also been thinking of them a lot lately. my sister is getting married on saturday, and my uncle is walking her down the isle. i think i'll have my mom walk me down when i get married, since she played two parental rolls since my dad's been gone.
last weekend jill played "promise of redemption" on the ride to CT in the car, and that also got me thinking. i have so many letters and photos and journals written by mike, i think i'm going to scan them and make a site for everything. kinda to commemorate him. i also have 2 separate answering machines with voice messages from him in my closet. tom said he'd record them for me, however i can't find one of the machines, and it's making me frustrated. i know the one missing is the one where he is singing stevie wonder's "you are the sunshine of my life" on it. i think it might also be nice for his mom and family to see.
that's it for now. working a ton this week. i really need to make a LOT of cash. i don't have all the money i need to give my sister a proper wedding present. my mom's birthday is the following week. canada is the week after. i owe $1000 a week later. and then i need to get my cash together for new orleans.
also, i decided for my birthday this year i want to go to atlantic city. pencil it in friends, march 27&28th. <3
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